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    Grief and Loss

    Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” Matt. 5:4


                                                                  GRIEF AND LOSS

         The grief process may include, but is not limited to, anger, fear, anxiety, denial, disorganization, sadness, depression, identity crisis, stress in social relationships or with family members.  Also it may include hopelessness, bizarre feelings, doubt, loneliness, emptiness, and questions you never contemplated before.  The process with symptoms mentioned makes you feel like a “different person.”  My goal as a counselor is to help shorten the process of emotions in grief and help minimize emotional feelings that come with missing those lost to death or even a divorce or separation.


         There are many myths used in grief counseling that don’t work, but serve as “temporary grief patches!” Friends and family attempts to comfort and sometimes help, but often can actually cause more grief and even anger.  Meaningful advice such as “be strong” “don’t be alone” “don’t talk about it” “just keep busy” or “don’t cry”” are among statements easily said but harder to do. Well- meaning attempts can often cause one to “bury the grief” likely to surface in another negative behavior(s) or addiction(s) at some point.  I have found that statements like “he/she would want you to be happy” usually causes guilt or anger in one who grieves.  The pain must be dealt with and completed for healing to take place.  Know that closure is different than completion.  The quest is completion.


         I mentioned “grief patches.”  There are appropriate patches in specific cases, such as the state of shock in the initial stages, where a prescription drug is administered.  Patches in this case is to help return to reality or gain emotional balance.  However, ongoing prescription drugs can be more damaging in the grief process because thy interfere with the natural process.  It seems most common grief patches that some people use are alcohol, street drugs, prescription drugs, overeating, shopping, or other addictions.  Grief patches are like taking an aspirin to treat a headache.  You are relieving the headache pain, but the cause is not taken care of.  In some cases, the cause for the headache may be escalating at the same time you are reliving the pain. You may be unaware that the ongoing problem requires attention because you have covered it up with a pain reliever!  It works the same with grief, where adjusting to “the new normal.” healing, and grief completion is required in order to return to a degree of happiness and joy. 


         Having multiple losses from death, I am well acquainted with the grief process and symptoms:  Loss of my only sister at age 14, loss of both my parents in young adulthood, my infant son, my husband, and more recently my brother, and my grown son 2019.  When my young daughter-in-law loss her life to cancer leaving my three young grandchildren and her husband (my son) was a huge test of faith for our family. Personal losses and experience brought me to the desire to help others in the grief and loss process and shorten their time in trial and error!


    More about Grief in my book Pearls On The Wings Chapter III (face the morning dove: Grief and Loss)    I also offer Personal counsel for Grief and Loss.     


    Carnel Baker, PhD.  972-562-0337   


     “The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart.” Ps. 34:18  See Menu